Finding The One

I was recently asked a question: “Pastor Marty, when do you know when someone is the one for you?” Most people would say, you will just know when you have found the one for you. That may be true, but for most of us, it’s better to step back and examine the relationship from more than one perspective.

To determine if someone is the one, you need to answer a few questions.

• Do you have a common faith in Jesus Christ?

The Bible talks about the importance of being spiritually unified. 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 says: Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?

Most people who are dating outside their faith ignore this verse or they just discount it or look for a loop-hole. They allow their emotions to take precedence over God’s word. Spiritual unity in a relationship is very important. I am not saying that a couple cannot have a happy marriage when their faiths are different, but it will be challenging. A common faith will give you the extra strength that you need to make it through the tough times.

A happy marriage is not only built on a common faith, but there are other key components that you need to consider.

• Are you attracted to one another?
  

Physical attraction is very important, but genuine attraction goes much deeper than you may think. Are you attracted to his or her personality? Do you have common interests? Are you friends? Do you enjoy being with some of the same people?

Are you nice to each other? This sounds elementary but I have counseled many couples through the years that are simply not nice to each other and their lives are miserable. Are you honest with this person about everything about yourself? Do you enjoy being with this person even when either of you is tired or grumpy? Even when you're not doing something special, do you really look forward to this person's company? Would this person be good as a member of your family? Do you trust this person and feel safe with him or her? In an emergency, would you trust this person to handle things? Could this person be your best friend? Does this person have qualities you respect and admire?

How do you know when you have found the one? You know it when both of you are willing to give up life as you know it and embrace a new life together. This is huge. Both parties in the relationship have to submit to each other. We form a partnership. Some people will say, it should be 50/50. The Golden Rule is not God’s standard for marriage. God’s standard for marriage is not “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That’s t 50/50. God’s standard is do unto your spouse as Jesus has done unto you. That’s 100%. In other words, “Don’t hold anything back.”

I believe that you have found the one when you are able to respect the other person for who he is or who she is. I may not agree with Patty 100% of the time, but I respect who she is and I respect her opinion. She, in turn, respects me and my opinion. If she differs, she will state her opinion but in the end she allows me to do what I genuinely feel is the best thing to do. If you want to take respect up a level you will come to the place of honor. Do you honor your mate? Honor is like respect on steroids. At times, I have to remind myself that my wife is a real person with real needs. How can I help meet those needs today?

Speaking of needs, what are the needs of every married man? Sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, physically attractive spouse, domestic support and admiration. What about the needs of a married woman? Affection, conversation, openness and honesty, financial support and family commitment.

So, how do I know that I have found the one? We have a common faith in Jesus Christ. We are attracted to each other. Then, we must answer the question:

• Can we serve God better together than we could apart?

I believe that God has a plan for your life. You were placed on this earth to make a difference. You are called to contribute, not just consume. We’re all meant to give something back. We’re all meant to make a contribution. The Bible says we’re created to serve, we’re saved to serve, we’re gifted to serve. So, can as you attempt to figure out if this person or that person is the one, you need to consider if you as a couple can serve God better together.

I am thankful that in 1982, I found the one. It is my prayer you will find the one that God has for you too.